A Bad Day

I have never felt at home on this strange planet that I have been sent to. But since I have been sent here, I must deserve to be here. But God, I don't understand... And (as usual) I think..

days will pass, nights will go
years will pass, years shall show
love will fade, friends will vanish
doubt will creep, trust shall tarnish
eternity and I are friends, I know
"happiness is a state of mind"
and so is everything else
generalizations are cheap and easy
yet they work and are convenient
everything is a matter of convenience
and profit
..and courage
courage is a relative term
everything is relative, huh?
life is the search for the absolute
the absolute is me
where?
being human is tough
being an animal is easy
I don't want to live in tomorrow
I want what I can have today
Life will take its own course
In the end they will tell me it was planned and destined
then they will ask me what I learned..
if I feel like I do right now, I may say f$%k u
and they will send me again down to another hell
because I "deserve" it?
the chains are real. What is real?The pain is..

At times like these I find happiness in falling because there is nothing I feel to rise for or rise to. Selfishness, the inseparable basic animal instinct can permutate to take form of good or/and bad deeds. Love becomes the instrument of fate. Destiny awaits. I am human and I have my weaknesses. I learn slow and steady what I don't understand. My eyes don't tell me if it is night or day. My skin feels no snow or sun. But I do suffer for reasons I never know or comprehend. Somewhere caught in the cob-webs of my sentiments and ego is my happiness. Want to break free of everything, want to feel only peace. Can you hear me...