God and I

Do I believe in God, I wonder. The honest answer is that I don't know. The world seems to be working on principles of power, control, influence, ruthlessness, secrecy and vision. Most people seem to be programmed to think the way they do and never question their existence. Yet there is a subtle promise that as you sow, so shall you reap. Or is it: cover your tracks nicely lest you are screwed? In essence there are very few answers. So at one stage one does not care about questions or answers. There is only wonder about where we come from and where we go, about the reason of our existence and the "famous" purpose of our life.

I, for one, feel tired with the need to understand and know. I just want to know enough to be able to avoid problems and be happy. And in the process may be spread this happiness to some people around me. To live a life of strength and honor as a hidden instrument of light (note to St. Assisi). No limelight for me please. Light because it is my nature to like light. Dark is not my forte. I have nothing against dark and nothing for light. I just stay where I can perform and be happy. Comparatively. In RPG parlance I would see myself as a Lawful Neutral.

Light and Dark compliment each other. At the end of the day one cannot exist without the other. Eternally in conflict and yet they complete each other. What's that got to do with God, I fail to understand. Listening to people talking about (and making a case for) Gods and Devils, it is pretty hard to distinguish one from the other. I refuse to believe in a God that is vindictive, small-minded, insecure and restrictive. Is God omnipotent when he has no control over Satan? My God, if there is one, is all-accepting, all-loving entity with a very big heart. Qualities that I see somewhat in message of Advaita, Jesus (Sermon on the Mount) and Buddha (Middle Path). I cannot claim to understand HIM but I do believe in existence of a supernatural power, a force beyond our control that directs our life. But not for any other purpose than growth, understanding and fun. So yes, may be in that sense, I do believe in God.

But more than that I believe in being a good human being, improving constantly, living free and having fun. Three cheers to freethinkers! :)