Questions

Perhaps a man's lifespan is insignificant in the life of the universe. Perhaps he is puny and conveniently forgotten by Gods and Devils alike in one small corner of the galaxy. Perhaps he deliriously dreams of worlds beyond and lives in an inconsequential bubble of his own making, an illusion severely limited by his senses and knowledge. Perhaps.

In this random jungle unmistakeably governed by the rules of power and cause-effect, I live with what I have and strive to grow and learn. Beyond that I don't really see anything. I know that answers come to the one who is not in a hurry to either get them or drop them. So I wait and work with infinite patience, hoping someday I will completely understand the matrix of this world. I don't know if I will find the answers, but I know that I will never give up. My unshakable faith, spiritual Master and unyielding strength of mind are my only true allies. Hubristic Complacency, meaningless laziness and all-consuming despair are my only true enemies. In this game of uncertainty only change is certain.

I cannot live a meaningless existence, so I strive to create meaning from what I know. A meaning that can rationalize my efforts in face of imminent death and give me satisfaction right this moment. This moment is all I have, even though I am told I am forever. I just try to hold to what I can understand and use it to augment happiness and purpose in equal measure.

I also think if it is possible to be bound and yet free; like free-range cows left to roam the pastures but to be ultimately slaughtered to satiate somebody's hunger? Its fate is better than the cow confined to dirty pens for most of its miserable life and slaughtered anyway. The end, however, remains as grisly and unforgiving. A creature dependent on small mercies of its masters. Are we cattle too? Creatures enslaved for their limited productivity, creatures ready to live a second-hand existence out of fear, ignorance, helplessness or peer-pressure? I hope not..

Even if I have nothing, I still have the will, the hope and the spirit. With them I move and with them, I believe, one day I will find all the answers.