Status Report

Sometimes I am amazed by the unpredictability and complexity of life. In this cacophony of thoughts and events it is so easy to loose track of the self, of how subtle existence is. How does one prevent oneself from complaining or being complacent? The divine libran balance seems ever elusive. As I live to understand the subtleties of my own mind and of this world, I experience at least some moments of genuine bewilderment. Other times, I am simply too tired or lost to care. Yes, I can reaffirm that the world is chaotic and , at least, apparently not fair. Equality is a bad joke and don't even get me started on fairness. Yet I must admit that there is simply too much that I don't understand. So I wait, I watch, and I play. Sometimes I do fear being consumed, decimated, and destroyed by my inquisitiveness: after all curiosity did kill the cat (or so they say). At these times I feel like going back to a safe refuge of mediocrity and dependability just for the relative respite it would bring. Unfortunately, I know that respite may be temporary and may turn into a suffocating, inescapable prison. And, then, it may not. At the same time the desire to be my own master and insanely rich keeps calling, even though I now realise that being "my own master" is more about an attitude, a deep confidence that can possibly emanate only from deep self realisation. But I ain't no saint, and I have no idea how near or far the doors of realisation lay at this point of time. So where does that leave us? Apparently on planet earth in a now familiar human habitation by name of Oxford. With an MBA and without a job, for now. Everything changes, I have heard and I hope. Here I stand: wiser, monetarily a shade poorer, humbler, and more knowledgeable than I have ever been before. And I look to move to the future with hope, determination and absolute focus. Yes, I am wary and tired, but I know with certainty that nothing except my own self- effort done from the sphere of awareness can possibly take me anywhere. Cheers!